You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
