you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
