i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
