K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
