Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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