If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
