part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize