I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Everclear isn't food dammit
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