Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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