My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
