I think my vagina is haunted
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
