guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
