We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
