I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
