Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
