I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
