based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
