hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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