She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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