In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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