i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
