I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
