They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
