so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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