I should be sponsored by Trojan
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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