just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
