I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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