then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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