I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
