and she was petting her beer can
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
