I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
