I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
