There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
