More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize