when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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