the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
