nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
