promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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