A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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