yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
