It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My bed smells like the plague
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
