i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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