Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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