Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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