Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
