I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
