i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
