I'm really into asian looking animals
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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