I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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