Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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