Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
