if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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