So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
