My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
