I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
