The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
