There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
