i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize