Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
