By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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