For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
