Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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