chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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