I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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